Insecurities

So, many of you probably don't know this about me, but I was an art major back in the day. Actually I started off as an animation major, then switched to illustration when I found out that the computer really isn't my best friend all the time. Then I went on a mission and somehow ended up switching my major to art history, which I love. I was going to graduate and then move to Europe or somewhere equally "cool" and work restoring rare old finds and all that fun stuff. I had come to terms with not getting married right away and had planned out a fun future for myself. But then I met BJ. And had a baby. And then another one.

It's kind of hard to run off to Europe with a baby and toddler......let alone find yourself in that line of work without finishing the degree first. But I digress. (actually, when I finally get back to school I think I'll be switching once again, but back to animation this time).

Anyway, the point is that I enjoy the fine arts. I have a teensy bit of training and (in my opinion) an even teensier bit of raw talent. I've entered a few shows and even been paid to do portraits for people. But that is all part of the things that represent my "former life". And those things got shoved in the deep, dark recesses of our messiest storage closet. The trouble with those kinds of closets is that you have to clean them out eventually. Recently we did just that. And now I've had a husband, a mother, and even a very LOUD three-year old urging me to start drawing again.

I finally decided to give in to the peer pressure when my dad sent me an email about the 8th International Art Competition for the LDS Museum of Church History and Art. Now, I'm madly trying to brush up my rusty skills and have something presentable done in time to enter this competion. Ummmm, wow! Whatever possesed me to do this?

Don't get me wrong, I do feel like I have some limited skill. I WAS all gung ho about the competition when I found out about it in the spring. But as the due date approaches and the speed of light, I'm becoming more and more insecure. Maybe that's why I waited until there was only one month left to even START the piece I plan on entering.

This is something that I would ultimately love to do for a living, or at least as some "on the side" work to help support our family. But, a lot of the ideas that come into my mind are so personal and emotional. To spend the kind of time required to do these ideas justice and then just turn around and have them be rejected is almost unbearable. And before I get too much farther into the fluffy, emotional babble that rolls around my brain on a daily basis I will just ask you all to think of me. Please send me any positive "vibes", or prayers, words of encouragement, or whatever you want to call it before I chicken out and settle for mediocrity. Just wish me luck. I promise to do the same for you if/when needed :)